I really need to stop smoking – *again*

I have been a smoker for … years. Many many years. I don’t even know how many times I’ve tried to stop. I think my record is 3 years. It’s pissing me off, but I just can’t stop. I know all the good reasons to. Health (duh), money, smell, slavery. But still, I always get back to it.

I think I like it too much, and I’m very bad at self control. I have a natural-born addict brain. And no, it’s not an excuse.

Last year, I finally found something that seemed to work : vaping. People can say whatever they want about it, I personally think it can’t be worse than smoking cigarettes. Shoot me.

So it worked, almost by magic. I started during Memorial Day week-end, and after a couple of days, I didn’t even want to smoke a cigarette. HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN ?

I won’t disclose how much I spent on juices, and gear, because 1) I don’t know and 2) I don’t want to know (shudder). Did I say how I tend to be obsessed by things and buy a shit ton of it until it passes (ask me about my fitness stuff too) ?? Yeah. Suffice it to say, it took me a while to finally find the juices I liked (loved), and the gear that worked for me, and it was smack during that period when I was carefully avoiding looking at my finances.

Anyway. I was slowly but steadily reducing my nicotine level. Unfortunately, come September, I started to have some issues. Most juices became suddenly unvapeable, giving me throat issues and coughing fits.

And so, I started smoking cigarettes again. I did try vaping a couple of times, but each time I got the same results.

For the first 4 months of this year, I was paying my cigarettes out of my Groceries budget. I thought, maybe, it will hurt even more that way. I’d say this strategy kinda, sorta, works, but not really. So last week, I created a category Cigarettes and proceeded to update all the past transactions to reflect that (I used to flag them a specific color).

Here’s the rundown :

  • February : $117.65
  • March : $160.92
  • April : $138.32
  • May : $130.12 so far

That’s ~$1,800 less in my down payment fund every year.

So yeah, here it is. In addition to the cost, I hate how I feel during my workouts. I hate being out of breath after my warmup. I hate that my rest heart rate is ~90 bpm. I hate the smell in my hair.

I hate everything, except the cigarettes. Ah ah.

So I dug up my vaping gear again, and tried to find a juice in my immense collection that I like and that doesn’t make me feel like I have whooping cough. I know what the problem is : VG. Unlike most people I just can’t vape high VG (some MAXVG juices almost killed me last year, I swear). Unfortunately, my favorite juices are 50/50 at best, and while they were fine at first, they’re not anymore.

It also seem like it depends on the brand. So I found a couple that were in my short list and that I can actually vape at 70/30. It’s not as comfortable as it used to be, but I’m lucky enough that this particular brand allows customization up to 90/10.

That’s what I just ordered. Crossing my fingers.

Meanwhile I have a small bottle of PG that I will use to dilute my Wakonda.

Oh, and I’m also going to sell some of my gear that cost me an arm and that I don’t use (I’m looking at you, Reos). Because money.

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